Missing Normal

I started looking my old blog today, as promised. I went back to the earliest posts, from August 2001, and read a few before I got otherwise distracted. I was surprised to see, when I logged on, that I’d last posted more recently than I’d thought, in 2015/2016. I know there’s a lag of a few years in there, but I’m looking forward to reading through it. I may even copy a few posts or passages and paste them here if they inspire any thoughts worth sharing. Reading it will probably have to be a project for the weekend.

I have kept that blog separate from all of my other accounts and usernames for 20 years now. I don’t think anyone in my life has ever found it, although I did make some friends through that blog that I’m now connected with on Facebook. It’s funny to think that I have friends who I’ve known for 20 years but never actually met. In some cases I know them better than I know my “real” friends. To this day I have better friends online than anywhere else, although because I’m a pretty shitty friend, my personal contacts with them have slacked. I just can’t get up the energy to make small talk with people, even people I care about. Talking, especially now after all this time in near isolation (covid, plus the 4 years in our small-town purgatory), is just so exhausting. And when your life is the same day in and day out, topics become limited. I find myself filling conversations with bitching about whatever’s annoying me at the time. Then I feel bad that my friends only ever hear me bitch. Who wants to listen to that?

Hopefully someday we’ll all get back to some kind of normal, where we can go out and do things and travel and have fun again. The world went on again after the Black Plague, and after the Spanish Flu epidemic. America went on after the Civil War, after Pearl Harbor, and after 9/11. Surviving is the key. I just hope that when we do come out on the other side, I and all the people I care about will be there to see it.

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