The phantom shoveler was at it again this morning, scraping away at 5 am. It’s Tuesday, so I was going to be getting up at 5:50 anyway, but really? I couldn’t have had that last hour of sleep?

Today was our biweekly Zoom staff meeting. I didn’t attend the last one because I was off (although I admit, I considered logging on just to have people to talk to), so it had been a month since I’d had a conversation with anyone besides B. It’s sad how much I look forward to work meetings now just to interact with other people. I don’t like talking on the phone, but I don’t really mind video chatting. It’s easier, because I can see the other person’s reactions and know if what I’m saying is interesting them or boring them to death. The difficult part of video chatting is seeing myself in those moments, seeing my own reactions. I make a lot of faces. I’ve been told in the past that I have a horrible poker face, and I believe it, but I don’t think I ever really appreciated how expressive my face can be. I tend to emphasize what I say or react to what I hear with fairly clear facial contortions. I don’t even need to say anything, really; my face will reveal everything I’m thinking, good or bad.

The snow is keeping me in the house, which is hard. The only respite I get from the every day boredom and isolation is my run to the grocery store. I deliberately only buy what I need immediately so that I’ll still have a reason to go out again the next day. I just can’t stay in the house all day every day, alone, with only the computer for company. The apartment is too small, the neighbors are too loud. I’m being as careful as I can, but I need to get out sometimes. A really special day is one when I can go to the home improvement store or the warehouse club. It really helps me change up my daily walks. Before covid, when the weather was nicer, I would walk around the block every day at lunchtime on my teleworking days, and sometimes I would take a longer walk that would bring me back around the grocery store. On rainy days I would walk the local mall. But with covid, and now the cold, walking outside is intolerable and walking the mall is risky. I spend most days walking back and forth across the apartment.

It gets dull.

I’m also getting dangerously close to having watched every episode of every true crime or home renovation show ever made. I have a hard time finding new shows to watch. Sitcoms are lame. Good dramas that aren’t futuristic/postapocalyptic sci-fi are hard to find. Supernatural has ended. Timeless was cancelled. I’m starting to find new things on Amazon, but we don’t have a TV here, per se, just our computers, and I don’t really want to sit in front of the computer all day for work and then all night in my downtime. I want to spread out on the sofa, put my feet up, and relax, you know?

Clearly, I have no real point to this post, but I’m trying to keep myself on track. I keep thinking that at least I’ll have these memories to look back on later, even if no one else ever sees them. I have years and years of diaries I wrote when I was a kid, and I even have written several online blog diaries, and sometimes it’s nice to go back and see what I was thinking and feeling and doing in those days long forgotten. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow, find my old blog and see what was on my mind in 2002. If I find anything worth sharing, I’ll let you know.